Why it’s never ‘just’ sex…


Sex, or as it’s more commonly called, ‘Just’ sex.  And guess what? it’s the ‘just’ that screws us up.  It’s the ‘just’ that makes us think it doesn’t matter.  It’s the ‘just’ that makes us devalue sex and make emotions the end all and be all, but what if I told you that was wrong?

We aren’t just the body, or the heart or the mind. We are all of those things together. We were never designed to be split into parts, so why did it happen? 

Well, as in all things, it began with a story, a story meant to hurt women, and that was the story of witches. You see, when Christianity was just forming the church needed a way to get rid of female power, because, oh yeah, before the whole ‘Virgin Mary’ thing, women were kind of it. Women were the conduits to the Gods and Goddesses.  Yep, there were Goddesses.  In fact, in the Celtic pagan tradition there was a Goddess named the Morrigan and she was the original holy trinity of the maiden, mother and crone.  Needless to say the Catholic church needed to get rid of all of that. 

One of the things you really need to understand is that sex used to be the path to the divine. And there was no ‘just’ about it.  Before Christianity sex was not seen as dirty.  Hell the word ‘virgin’ was originally a word for single women.  It was never intended to be asexual.  To see the truth in what i’m saying you only have to look at the Madonna/Whore complex.  Good girls vs. bad girls. Saints vs. Sluts. The moment the dichotomy was created, that was the moment that women and men began to suffer. 

You see the ‘just’ sex phenomenon didn’t just affect women. It didn’t just take away female power.  It stopped allowing men to be fully functional as well.  It lessened their ability to connect emotions and sexuality.  

Think of it like this. Before Christianity, men saw women and sexuality as something divine, something to be admired.  We literally create life.  Afterwards, after sexuality was deemed unholy and women sexually depraved for wanting it, then everything changed. 

‘Just’ sex.   I hate these two words. Our society took one of the few aspects of humanity that brings genuine joy and debased it into something considered basic and unnecessary.

The mind/body connection that is evident to everyone is somehow dismissed when it comes to sex.  

Think about how you feel when you feel desire. What’s that like?  Do you feel better?  I’m going with yes.  Do you feel more alive, more creative, more in control of yourself as a woman?  Yes, again.  Holy crap, it’s almost as if the Catholic church knew that by debasing sexuality it could take away the power of women. Does that make you view it differently?

What about if I told you that universities way back were starting medical programs for men only, but at that time women were the healers so guess what?  Let’s call them witches!  Yep, that’s how it all got started.  

What if I also told you that millions of women were tortured and killed during the witch hunts and that women were asked to denounce one another. 

And guess what else?  In the pagan days there was a genuine sisterhood because it wasn’t just sex.  Because sex was divine, because sex was respected.  Because sex was shared joy.

Sex was never meant to be ‘Just sex.’  Sex was always meant to be a gateway to connection.

And how does this relate to narcissism?  A better question would be how doesn’t it relate to narcissism?  When you split sex away from love you give narcissism a space to grow, because what is narcissism other than a split in the psyche?  A narcissist cheats because for generations the split has been allowed to grow larger, into a chasm that engulfs not only the narcissist, but anyone the narcissist is involved with. 

Sex became a weapon the first time the fire was lit and a woman was burned. You think all of this in new, that narcissism is new.  It isn’t.  Narcissism is the wounds of our ancestors, the splitting of the psyche, of the soul when sex ceased to be divine and became ‘just’ sex.

if you want to argue that ‘no, it’s only emotions and connection that matter’ then let me say this.  Infidelity, lack of intimacy, silence, lack of respect, distance, insecurity… you think these stem from emotions?  All of these symptoms are a direct response to a problem with sex, because we relegate sex to a ‘just’ instead of a ‘Oh my Goddess.’ 

Your mission from now on is to understand that sex is divine.  It was never supposed to be a ‘just.’  Buy yourself a vibrator.  Meditate naked.  Feel the connection wot who you were always meant to be.  Your sexuality is your super power.  Whatever happened with the narcissist doesn’t diminish that.  The narcissist tried to make you feel like ‘one of many.’  You were never that.  You were always unique.  

You are the descendent of the witches they couldn’t burn!


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Catherine Stuckey, M.A.
Having taught English for years I never thought I’d be translating what the narcissist says to other people.

I’ve spent four years researching the world of narcissism, through work, dating and personal interviews. My mission is to help others recognize narcissism and through this recognition stop the narcissistic cycle from continuing.

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