How the Narcissist’s Target is Born: Jason begins his devaluation of Caitlyn

Miscellaneous

Part 5: Jason begins his devaluation of Caitlyn

Jason and Caitlyn have been together for six months.  This is the fifth part of a six part fictional series detailing the parallel evolution of the narcissistic relationship.  You can find part 1 here, part 2  here , part 3 here and part 4 here.

Caitlyn is sitting in the cafe waiting for Jason.  She’s checked her watch multiple times.  He’s almost 30 minutes late.  She checks her phone as well, but there are no new messages.  He’s been more distant lately.  She’s noticed he seems uninterested in what she talks about.  She’d bought tickets to a new art exhibition. She still remembered what a great time they’d had on their first date, but when she told him about the tickets he said he didn’t have time. 

Jason was running late.  He’d stopped at Mindy’s on his way to meet Caitlyn.  Mindy was getting suspicious of his lack of availability.  She’d asked if he was seeing someone else. He told her that was ridiculous, of course.  She demanded to see his phone.  He’d shown it to her. He always had a separate ‘clean’ phone for just these kinds of demands.  His real phone was in his car. It was why he couldn’t text Caitlyn that he was late.  Maybe he would take Caitlyn to the art thing this weekend.  Mindy needed a cooling off period.  

He walked into the cafe full of apologies.

‘I’m so sorry I couldn’t text. It was a work thing with my boss.  It wouldn’t have been professional to tell him my girlfriend was waiting for me and that I needed to text her.  You know I’m up for that promotion, but if you still have those tickets let’s go on Saturday and then after we can go to lunch.’  

He watched her face as it lit into a smile.  He was always amazed at how easy it was to make a woman happy.  

All of Caitlyn’s fears disappeared after Jason arrived.  She was being silly. Of course it made sense that he couldn’t text her while he was with his boss.  It didn’t matter anyway.  Once he got his promotion he’d feel better and be less stressed. Things would get back to normal and he’d agreed to go to the art exhibition. They were going to have such a good time.  She couldn’t help but smile.

Saturday morning came and went without a call or text from Jason.  They normally spent Friday night together, but he’d said he needed a guy’s night. Caitlyn understood, although she’d been looking forward to spending the night with him and then going for a bit of shopping before the art exhibition.   By 1 pm she’d called Jason at least a dozen times but everything had gone to voice mail.   She was about to start calling hospitals when her doorbell rang.

Jason was angry and hungover.  There were scratches down his back thanks to Mindy.  He was thinking he needed to buy a cat to explain it to Caitlyn.  He’d planned on being here two hours ago, but Mindy had been insistent this morning and the sex was too good to say no.  She’d already agreed to his idea about the threesome. 

‘Sorry, one of the guys accidentally took my phone last night.’  I tried to call you to tell you I’d be late, and then realized it wasn’t mine.  I had to drive to his apartment to get it.’


‘Ok, well no big deal.  We missed the shopping, but we can eat after the exhibition.’  Caitlyn said.


‘Oh, do we have to go to that?  I’m tired.  We were out super late last night and what I’d really love is some fried takeout and a Netflix day.  Just let me get a shower.  Can you order from that Chinese place down the street?’

Caitlyn blinked back tears as Jason walked down the hallway to her bathroom.  He hadn’t even noticed the new dress she’d bought for today.  She couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted to go out.  It seemed like Netflix and chill was all they did now.  She stared at the tickets on the table, then she walked over and ripped them up and threw them in the garbage.

That night after hours on the sofa Caitlyn reached for Jason, but he pulled away, Not tonight, babe, I’m tired.’

As Jason snored, Caitlyn stared at the ceiling in her bedroom.  Was this all they were going to do from now on?  She felt fat after all the greasy food and she thought of the exhibition they’d missed. What had happened to their perfect relationship?

Lessons learned:

Often in narcissistic relationships there are multiple parties involved with the narcissist.  If he’s clever then the women will never know about each other.  Multiple phones, email accounts, Instagram feeds and Facebook pages are the norm for narcissists. Before social media and online dating things were much more difficult for the narcissist, but Steve Jobs made things a lot easier.

Staying home also becomes part of the routine.  The narcissist has to make sure he isn’t caught and going out in public could be a problem. Also, most narcissists tend to be a bit boring.  Going out all the time really isn’t their thing.  

Being sexually rejected is also part of it.  The narcissist craves novelty and when he has a new target in his sights then the current girlfriend looks a bit boring.  

Devaluation is always a losing situation for the narcissist’s partner.  Once it begins it will never go back to how it was. Caitlyn would have been better off to exit as soon as Jason’t behavior changed initially, but because the love bombing was so good and Caitlyn is used to being treated poorly by her partners she isn’t aware of how bad it may become.

Come back next week for the conclusion of Caitlyn and Jason’s relationship.

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Having taught English for years I never thought I’d be translating what the narcissist says to other people.

I’ve spent four years researching the world of narcissism, through work, dating and personal interviews. My mission is to help others recognize narcissism and through this recognition stop the narcissistic cycle from continuing.

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